survey

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Some responses from the survey (Jan-Feb '05) that stood out for one reason or another.
Some I think capture an essential part of eating disorders, some I disagree with strongly, some are inspiring, some just struck me for a reason I'm not sure of.

But before I start with that I'll say a little bit about the other questions/answers that were involved. I asked for the respondent's age, information about their disorder, if they'd tried recovery, their life in general, their family, their thoughts about pro-ED websites, if they were happy, and what their ideal life might be like.

  • Around 160-170 people responded, aged anywhere from 11 to 37 years, most of them between 17 and 22 (I didn't keep track of exact statistics, just what I remember).
  • Almost all of them were disordered, and almost all of them had gone through distinct phases of behavior, from restriction to binging or whatever, and probably about half of them have tried recovery in one way or another.
  • Almost everyone said they believed in freedom of speech as a reason why pro-ED websites should be allowed to exist, whether or not they believed they were harmful; I think I've included all answers that weren't just "freedom of speech" below.
  • No more than 15 out of the 160 people said they were happy, and that includes the people without disorders who responded. Most people said that they come off as happy to their friends and family because they don't want to show that they're unhappy.
  • Almost everyone said their ideal life included being thin. Many people described a life with a husband and children, a successful career and good friends. A number of people said they'd like to live without obsessing about food and depending on their weight for happiness.

    So, on to the real answers.

    Q: Do you have an eating disorder? If yes please explain (how long you've been aware of it, describe your behavior, etc.). If no, what's your deal?

    Yeah, I'm ED-NOS, I'm fat but I starve. I've had it for about a year. It's the "new diet" or something I guess.

    No, I don't see the point in starving myself to lose weight, or overeating to help stress or depression. If I want to lose weight, I'll change my diet and go to the weight room. If I want to get rid of stress and/or depression, I'll do it through natural means, and just relax.

    Q: How do you feel about your ED? Are you planning to maintain or recover?

    ...I also feel my ED isolates me from other people: it makes me turn down invitations to go out to lunch or dinner because I'm scared to eat at times, it makes it impossible for my boyfriend to give me candy on holidays, it has made me terrified of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my own birthday celebrations.

    I would like to maintain it, recovery is just another word for no will power.

    Like most of America, I'm in denial that I have one. Aren't we all on a diet?

    Q: If you do look at pro-ED websites, when did you start looking at them? Did they have an effect on the development of your disorder?

    I started to look at pro-SI sites, but then came across pro-ana. I can't stop staring at the models' perfect bodies, wishing I looked like them. I am persuaded I'd never had my ED this bad if I didn't know how to fast and to curb hunger and if I had never seen tricks on how to purge. But I would have gotten an ED anyway, I believe. I visit both websites and forums. I am especially all the time on one forum, which is more of a support group. The forum I am on every day, other websites, that depends on my mood. I'd say once every two weeks.

    I guess [I started looking] when I started really getting badly anorexic...In the beginning, it was all new to me, but now most of them are just boring. I don't visit them a lot now. They used to impact my disorder when I was really into it, but that had been after I'd already developed it. It wasn't like they caused my anorexia - I just used them for tips on hiding my disorder from my parents, doctors, ect., and they don't impact me so much any more.

    About a year ago - mostly forums, but not as frequently since I've started group therapy. I feel like my in-person support group provides mostly the same function for me that online forums do, and in-person is usually more effective. I don't really know if they've "promoted" either my disorder or my recovery...I've found resources to aid both when I've felt compelled to search for them.

    Q: Any thoughts about pro-ED websites?

    I think there is freedom of speech, so if someone wants to host their own site, they can do it on their server. If angelfire.com is paying for the server space, they can delete whatever they want. The media has its own right to criticize, like it does any other site that encourages people to hurt themaelves or others. I think pro-ana sites can be helpful to someone mature enough to take in the info, but I think that hormonal teens may try to take refuge in this. Low self-esteem will let you try to join ANY group, even if it will hurt you.

    I think pro-ED sites are horrible, the way eating disorders are glamorized to people who are vulnerable to developing them. I also think that this is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. I mean, the media glamorizes eating disorders a million times more than one website could ever do. The media is constantly bombarding people with images of beautiful yet extremely underweight women, triggering stories about eating disorders, and has an intense lack of compassion for the overweight.

    I find the sole idea quite horrifying, I think eds should be discouraged openly. It's fine to have an opinion such as 'to me ana is a lifestyle, not a disease,' but there are a lot of young girls out there who don't recognize that those sites mainly serve to show a point of view, not to be a set of guidlines for miraculous weight-loss. The sites shouldn't be deleted, because that's censorship. But after all, eating disorders may result in death. It's like with smoking, there should be a warning regarding the contents of such a site.

    I don't think we can blame people being eating disordered on the internet. I believe it is free speech like everything else. To me someone has to be already "not right" in the head in some way to visit a pro-ed site in order to try to "catch or try" an ed. It's not like the fucking flu...

    Although I agree some pro-ED sites may be hazardous to young girls on the verge of developing an ED, I believe very strongly in freedom of speech. Honestly, if the KKK and child pornographers can have websites, then average, thoughtful girls should be allowed to voice their opinions as well. It's a tough call, but I would rather err on the side of allowing them, for the sake of the few girls whose questions about "starting an ED" are answered with resounding warnings of others' personal hellish experiences, and for those like myself who are enmeshed in an ED and trying to sort themselves out with others who might understand better than their in-person friends could.

    I honestly don't know what kind of effects they have. Perhaps they do have a certain way of helping out people with disorders, but I wouldn't know since I've never had a disorder. I do think they should be allowed because there have been cases where someone has actually been helped a lot. Angelfire.com should just leave pro-ED sites alone for a change.

    I think that the web is better off without them. Honestly there are so many pressures that could trigger someone to develop an ED, I dont think that there should be so many on the net too. But at the same time I sort of like them. I would feel horrible if one of my friends were visiting any so I really dont know if they are really bad or good.

    Mixed feelings that depend on nature of site. It's so GOOD to be somewhere that everyone understands "we're all a little weird about food, or maybe more than a little" and not have to explain it, but sites that actively discourage recovery do bother me a bit.

    I don't think they are good, since many do influence peoples' EDs, but then again, so do fashion magazines, and they're not banned.

    Negative effects, they're terrible but I'm addicted to stats and thinspiration, the media's criticism on what perfection is is understandable because everyone is insecure and the media is capitalizing on that.

    I like pro-ed sites. They are so optimistic, and give the really sick girls a ray of sunshine. I think that the media should really see the good the sites do, not just the bad. I do think they should be allowed, and you have no idea how angry it makes me when they get shut down.

    Q: Do your friends or family know about your disorder? Are you comfortable with that? How did they react when they first found out?

    Yes most of my friends wish they had one but don't have the self-control.

    Q: Are you happy? What's your ideal lifestyle? How do you imagine yourself as a happy person?

    My ideal lifestyle is if I could ALWAYS control what I eat (less) and how much I exercise (more). I lose control. I imagine being very fat free and happy with nice looks like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.

    Not now, I'm not happy. My ideal lifestyle is to not have my life revolve around food. I want to have the perfect life, who doesn't? I want a nice appartment with a bowl of fruit. I don't think I'd be me if I was a happy person, but it's nice to fake it sometimes.

    I am happy. My ideal lifestyle would be the way my life is right now, only 5 pounds thinner. I would then have more friends, and be more appreciated.

    Happy? No. I don't know my ideal, I want to be toned and thin, but isn't it sad how I measure my ideal "lifestyle" on the appearance of my body???

    I'm not happy, but once I lose another 20 pounds I will be.

    What's happy , I don't know what would make me happy.

    Q: Anything else you really gotta say? Express yoself.

    I want help going back to ana, I dont know how I'm going to do it. I dont want to be anorexic though while with my boyfriend even though hes been there too. I just want to lose weight.

    I agree this is a disorder. I don't think it's the worst one could have. I would prefer to be bulimic than an alcolic or a smoker. At least my illness comes from a need to control and not a desire to lose it.

    I hate food, and I hate myself for eating it, I know I can stop so why dont I?

    I will be quite surprised if anyone reads this, but I found it helpful just be able to type out my feelings about a lot of these things. I feel better now then when I began.


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