It's been about two weeks since I've been working on eating normally. I had trouble for the first one-one-and-a-half weeks balancing my eating; one day I'd think I was eating really well but was maybe eating less than I should have. To even it out I figured I'd add some more food to what I thought were my good days' menus and promised not to binge. For three days I did very well - I did feel a little preoccupied with scheduling and planning my meals, but I was eating well, thinking about how I felt, and getting exercise every day. The fourth day was a Saturday (today actually) - a change in the usual 'business week' schedule. I didn't realize I'd already gotten into quite a daily routine, and my emotions were also building up without a way to be outsourced. About mid-day I started to binge, not quite as frantically as I have in the past but a binge nonetheless...

after a while I sat down with my food, eating with my left hand and writing with my right. I wrote about what had been on my mind and it came out with feelings and eventually it added up and I could see in writing what I had been feeling. I hit something that I hadn't really figured out in my head and started crying, and all "need" to binge was gone.

I really did think for the past few days that I was managing my feelings and everything really well, but it wasn't until I wrote them down that I saw the situations clearly enough to learn new things about how I was reacting to them. No matter how much or how long I've been thinking about something, I tend to see it in a new light when it's on paper. I highly recommend it :)


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